"They can't find a heartbeat.  I'm having surgery in the morning.  We're so sad."  My heart dropped in disbelief for her when I received the message.  How much loss can one person handle?  She had buried her husband, father, father in law, and mother in law within the past 2 years, and now the loss of the baby she carried inside!  

What would I say to her?  "I'm sorry" seems so, so "empty."  She has taught me that sometimes during the heartache of death, words are not important.  Often just being present, in the moment, with the person, is all that is desired or needed. Sitting beside a person, and listening to them share their thoughts repeatedly, holding their heart, somehow helps them walk through the valley until they can find their path of healing and hope again.

If you are privileged to sit with one in the moment of their heartache, don't be surprised if they experience a barrage of emotions.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, in her book, On Death and Dying, described the 5 stages of coping with grief.  Her findings were based on her research with over 500 dying patients.   Kubler-Ross suggests that people handle loss as "uniquely as the person experiencing the loss." Not everyone goes through all 5 stages, and some people become stuck in one stage or another.  

So when you are honored with "entering into" a person's moment of grief you many encounter what Kubler-Ross describes as stages of:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  

Don't hurry a person through any one stage.  Allow them to travel through their emotions at their pace.  If they appear to become stuck in one emotion or stage, they may need professional assistance.  

Have them call us at Quality Life Center and we will be more than willing to assist them.  

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